I don’t know if it’s just me or everyone, but when I think of my life in the past, I’m usually looking at it pretty objectively. I can appreciate that a certain period was good or fun or boring or amazing or sad but it’s not that often that I feel intensely connected to it, in a way that makes it feel close and personal, like me. It’s usually just this 3 or 6 or 12-month span of time that I almost offensively sum up into one little moment or word.I always feel kind of different in the present, like I’m a different person.
But this album always yanks me back in a completely surreal way. Maybe it’s because Blood Bank has been one of the few things I’ve really loved and cherished consistently over the last 5 years of my life. It’s like a constant that can always scoop me out of my current situation, away from all the things that “define” me today, and strip me down to just me. I suddenly feel all of those experiences of the last 5 years as if they were truly me. And not some past disconnected version of myself.
Suddenly I’m not San Francisco, I’m not my little third-floor apartment in the Haight, I’m not my job at a “hip” tech startup, I’m not the new clothes hanging in my closet, I’m not my current haircut and color. I’m just me. The same girl who just a year and a half ago was 4 hours south of this big city, slowly walking through my leafy college campus, wearing a similar t-shirt, jeans, and beanie that I’m wearing today, listening to Blood Bank, looking at the gloomy clouds, and wanting to cry at how beautiful the song is. I’m that same. exact. person. And it actually feels like it.
This album is so weirdly personal to me. I’m always changing…but it’s nice to be reminded every once in a while that despite all the noise, I’m still me. My same brain and body and heart, as I’ve always been.